Funny Gifts for People Who Dont Put Up With Bullshit

You have to be careful with the sentimental gifts. They make some people fill up with warm and fuzzy feelings, but they also make some people vomit all over their immediate surroundings. A funny gag gift can be a great way to maintain the appropriate emotional distance, a great way to say I love you too much to make you nauseous, or a great way to hit pretty much any point in between.

Perhaps in an elaborate joke on us all, Prank-O has managed to create a profitable business selling empty boxes. The boxes aren't meant to remain empty, however. Prank-O encourages people to "disguise your gift in a stupid box." So, for example, you have actually bought a very nice gift for a friend, but put it in a box that claims to contain an Earwax Candle Kit, or Bacon Scented Dryer Sheets. Imagine the look on that poor friend's face when they think you have given them something really ridiculous, stupid and disgusting. And the relief when they realize it's just a joke.

Few activities draw as much attention, ridicule, and humor as farting. But until recently, nobody thought to create a taxonomy based on this fundamental behavior. Here is a science-backed tour of the world of bestial flatulence, providing an enlightening context to an activity that we often take for granted, but that never seems to lose its novelty. The project was spearheaded by a trained, certified zoologist, so you can rest assured that this information will never let you down when it comes time to apply it in the wild. This is the definitive guide we've all been praying for.

The Mighty Carver reciprocating knife has surgical-grade stainless steel blades with machine-cut, razor-sharp serrated edges. You can hold it as you would a regular knife with the handle in the back. Or for maximum entertainment value and the complete chainsaw effect, use the top handle. Whether or not you wear the Leatherface mask is entirely up to the tenor of your family's sense of humor.

Having to repeat yourself is such a bore. These comfortable foam sandals leave a clear message behind you, so you can give the command without opening your mouth. Trips to the beach will get a lot cheaper and easier now that your minions know exactly what to do.

Keep your head and face warm without the commitment (or testosterone) it takes to grow an actual beard! These knit beanies with detachable face fur are as funny as they are functional. From biker to barbarian, Viking to vagabond, there is a Beard Head for every taste and style.

Set the mood and get the party started with your favorite bottle of wine and some condoms. We're talking about wine condoms of course. The funniest way to protect against unplanned accidents when you're fully uncorked. While this may seem like a useless novelty it actually does create an airtight and watertight seal on any size bottle, preserving its freshness while creating the types of highly awkward moments that often go along with downing a bottle of wine.

For thousands of years, humans have relied on the sublime art of taxidermy to remember their deceased animal companions, and to turn the roving beasts of the wild that they have felled with their own hands into game trophies. Taxidermy is like a three-dimensional photograph, not only capturing a moment in time, but telling a story with a single image. When done skillfully, it produces noble, enthralling, and emotionally moving symbols that mark our experiences and interactions with the rest of the animal kingdom. But like anything else, there are some real freaking hacks out there. This is their book.

Learn why playing Russian roulette is a bad idea the safe way with this hilarious gag toy set. Just fill a balloon with water (or blood, whatever), secure it inside the ring, put it next to your head, and pull the trigger. A little pin may or may not pop the balloon. And nobody gets hurt.

When we say ugly Christmas sweater, what we actually mean is FUNNY Christmas sweater, and these are absolutely hilarious. Get one as a gag for everyone on your list and wait for the laughs (and heartfelt thank yous!) to start rolling in. Your loved ones will be rolling too, with laughter.

This humorous kit is the proof: Working apart is bringing us together. When this (you know what "this" we mean) is all over, the nine items inside will remind us of the laughs (and awkward moments) we shared with coworkers while coping remotely. A few are functional (ear plugs, webcam cover), others are fun (conference call bingo card, decision coin: pajamas or pants?), and the rest are in-between (fidget cube, desk yoga guide).

This killer accessory is hardly a gag gift. The recipient of this fine headwear will be commanding respect on the racquetball court and sopping up sweat in style while weed whacking the front lawn. There's something irresistibly strapping about mullets, and there's no doubt they'll reemerge as a hairdo trend if not in this decade, certainly the next. Of course, the lucky stallion that's sporting this feathered mane has to have the proper attitude to match and that just can't be taught, so give wisely, my friend!

We are not kidding around; this thing is BIG. It holds twenty cups of coffee, at least, which ought to be enough to keep even your sleepiest friends awake until at least mid-afternoon. This giant mug is a perfect funny gift for people who are serious about their coffee.

Bring toast into the twenty-first century with the most narcissistic toaster yet! Metal inserts will brown your beautiful face onto every piece of toast you make. Freak out your one-night stand with breakfast in bed featuring edible pictures of yourself. Just make sure to smile!

One of the real barriers for many people to enjoying champagne to the fullest is the sense of pretension that surrounds this exalted beverage. It's a pretension that permeates and infuses the entire experience, just like the bubbles that give champagne its famous zing. At last, someone has invented the perfect tool for de-snootifying the most famous of sparkling wines. Now, they can finally enjoy champagne the way they have always wanted - with no sense of class or dignity whatsoever.

Welcome. It's nice, we guess, but how sincere does it seem as you are wiping your boots or knocking on the door? Wouldn't you love to open your door to guests who are already laughing at your jokes? Get the perfect doormat to make your friends laugh every time they come or go.

Look, we know that not everybody needs to have a giant five pound gummy bear, but not everybody technically needs pants, either. Having a giant gummy bear is like having a pair of pants: once you have one, it is hard to imagine life without it. The point is that need has nothing to do with it.

Sorrow and disappointment often follow us through life whether we want them to or not. The same cannot be said about the music that captures these feelings. But the good news is that all you need to perform your lifelong symphony of woe is one instrument, and it fits easily into the front jeans pocket of a small child. The world's smallest violin is the definitive instrument for that downtrodden, hard-luck victim of the cosmos in your life.

This prank joke box is the perfect way to make an okay present seem way better. Once they open it and realize it's not really a VR headset for their dog, whatever you actually put inside will seem a lot better. There is really only one way this joke can go awry: if the gift you put inside is actually worse than a VR set for dogs. But then again, failure on that level is an art form in itself, which makes it a weird kind of success.

Give these fortune cookies to a friend and tell them you had extra from last night's dinner. Be sure to have the camera rolling when they crack one open and see your bizarre custom message inside. Pick something that no cookie should know about them. Imagine their confusion when they read "You should break up with Mary. She should have been more careful with your Ramones t-shirt" or "Don't forget to get your car inspected. It's been overdue since July."

Looking for some quality literature for those extended trips to the potty? Hands (and pants) down, this go-to guide to number two etiquette in the workplace should be part of performance evaluations and new hire orientations. A whole new concept for on-the-job training, this handy briefcase buddy is the perfect gag gift that's guaranteed to relieve some of the pressure we all feel at work. When duty calls … will you be prepared?

Unlock the athletic potential of that sedentary goldfish and build your aquatic dream team with this extracurricular paradise. Fantasy football is for novices … this all-season water club provides endless diversion and astonishing entertainment while tapping into the recreational desires of our finned companions. Unlike any other pet accessories on the market today, this fish lover's gift really stirs up the competition. Goooooaaaaalllll!

The recipient of this whimsical gift doesn't have to be into taxidermy per se, just lonely enough to need a host of rodent performance artists for companions. These furry friends won't leave droppings around the house like those other mischievous crumb-tracking critters already inhabiting the home. A class above the rest, this quirky cast of players will provide endless entertainment and quiet company, far outperforming other domesticated pet breeds. And the Emmy goes to…

Chances are you know someone that can really light up a room … and we're not talking about their charismatic smile or doll-faced eyes! Keep those sulfur bombs in check with some iron-clad undies. These fashion-forward undergarments keep the toxic gases under wraps so that friends, family members and innocent strangers with a razor-sharp sense of smell won't be subjected to senseless, noxious pollution of the lower region. Strap these babies on and let 'er rip!

The lucky recipient of these handy hi-tech gloves will be dressed to impress at any outdoor excursion or special ops affair. The ultimate in wireless fashion accessories, these snug-fitting paw protectors will keep your pal connected at all times and make them the envy of every screen-hungry mobile phone junkie from San Francisco to Dubai. Even 007 will be begging to get his hands on these ultra cool mobility mitts. Those hands were made for talking!

Relieving yourself into an empty beer can might seem like a bright idea, but it doesn't quite make the grade at the country club golf course. For all those chaps who can't seem to get that coveted hole-in-one, this discreet port-a-potty is the next best thing. That handy-dandy golf towel wasn't just made for polishing the five irons … talk about the perfect-sized curtain for answering the call of nature. Don't let a full bladder spoil your eagle on the 9th hole. Drain that lizard in style and tee up like a true gentleman!

Poetry is the most appropriate art form for cats, because regardless of the author, nobody cares if a poem makes sense. In fact, the less sense the better. And cats are idiots. Creative, creative idiots, with agendas you never would have guessed.

Generally speaking, the last person in the room who needs more wine is the person who's already gone feet up. But as long as that posture signals relaxation and not unconsciousness, it's probably fine. There may be a moral grey area, but that's not your problem. This is the perfect gift for the most shameless wino you know.

For the nuke-obsessed friend who's searching for a tad more naturally occurring radiation in their life, this handy rock will make them feel like they've got some atomic ammo in their pocket. This harmless dose of unenriched uranium may not impress Kim Jong-un, but it's sure to fire up some good old fashioned chit chat about the periodic table and perhaps even educate a few clueless heads about Earth's metals. A great gag gift for the Cold War fanatic in your life, this powerful element packs a punch!

One of the great joys in life is making other people look stupid. Nobody's sure why, but it's like crack to us. These prank stickers are sure to be some smart ass' new best friend. Public embarrassment is such a sublime sight to behold.

For all those star-starved city dwellers and constellation lovers, these twinkle-packed envelopes deliver endless entertainment. A much tidier alternative to adding glitter to that special greeting card, these delightful pouches double as a mindless distraction for the overworked, uninspired gift recipient on your list. Infuse a little celestial joy into that routine correspondence and provide an escape from the everyday mundane. Snail mail just might be making a comeback!

This made-to-order voodoo doll is the perfect gift for your most vengeful friend. Just send in an image of who you want the doll to resemble, and the magic happens as your friend pushes pins into the doll's most sensitive areas. Just be sure it doesn't look anything like you.

If you don't mind looking like an alien sea creature while cashing in on some well-needed Zzz's, then you've hit the jackpot with this exceptional headpiece. Dozing off in public doesn't have to involve neck-breaking episodes of whiplash and excessive dry mouth. Form-fitting and hands-free, this ingenious sleep aid offers just the right amount of ventilation and strategic padding to provide a cushioned resting place to cradle that exhausted head. Rest easy, sleepyhead, help is on the way!

Giant fish that swim in the air? Isn't that against the very laws of nature? Yeah, kind of, we guess, but these are filled with helium and are controlled with a remote, so it's really not as dramatic as all that. Stays inflated for up to two weeks, and can be refilled over and over again.

The squirrels have been playing tricks on us for years, and most of us don't even know it. In fact, squirrels often go way over the line. From house fires to divorces, they are responsible for untold misery, suffering, and property loss. It's time we start giving them a taste of their own medicine. Start small. Start here.

One problem with our hectic modern lives is that we're usually nowhere near nature when it calls. Instead, we're usually in a crowd of strangers, at a public venue with horrible restroom facilities, or stuck in a traffic jam. And having to abide by the rules of social decorum means that women really get the short end of the stick. A simple portable plastic device has changed all that. With the SHEWEE, you're not only making someone's life easier — you're striking a blow for urinary equality.

Not everyone has had the time, genetics, or inclination to cultivate a big hairy belly. That doesn't mean they should miss out on the chance to flaunt a big hairy belly. This lifelike bag allows man, woman, or child to experience the glory of dadbod-ness. The adjustable waist belt ensures that this manbelly will stay snug no matter what their size, and the roomy, multi-pocketed inside makes this a very functional man pouch.

No matter where you stand on other major life issues, one thing is for sure: everything is better with cats. Or maybe just weirder. Anyway, this updated version of the classic board game is purr-fect for anyone who owns or loves cats, and even better for anyone who wishes they were a cat. In the original version of Monopoly, the goal was to collect properties until you became the fattest cat around, bullying people and putting them out of business. Cat-opoly reflects a kinder, gentler world where you simply collect cats, until you're like one of those people you see on the reality shows.

A rubber chicken purse may not be everyone's idea of a tasteful accessory. But then again, screw them. Trying to please everyone is a fool's errand. This unbelievably gorgeous and futuristic purse will instantly set the owner apart from the crowd, for better or for worse. And unlike conventional chicken purses, no animals were harmed in its making, which is why it's futuristic. Because in the future, everyone is nicer. Pair with other animals like cats or fish for a truly stunning and harmonious look.

Is life on Earth getting you down? Turn your attention to the skies and give alien life forms a chance. The mysteries that lie beyond our galaxy may just be a few beeps and flashing lights away! As powerful as today's smartphones are, they just can't break the outer space barrier, so arm a friend with this supercharged gadget and get ready for some extraterrestrial correspondence that's out of this world.

Life is full of difficult conversations like talking to your kids about sex, asking a doctor about that thing you haven't told anyone about, and how to teach your cat about gun safety. You know, the important stuff that you keep putting off. With more and more gun accidents happening across the country all the time, it's more important than ever to make sure your cat understands the dangers of playing with firearms. This helpful guide also covers other topics that can endanger their 9 lives including Satanism, drug abuse, and how to survive the coming apocalypse.

Sometimes we have to trick ourselves into moderation. It doesn't always come naturally. Luckily, our brains evolved with all kinds of borderline stupid quirks, so we're not that hard to trick. Any damn fool can see that this is only half a glass, but we bet it will still help slow down said damn fool's boozin'. And also it looks ridiculous.

These are the kinds of questions you would only ask Google. The stuff you're genuinely curious about, but that basic dignity prevents you from asking someone face to face. The most traditional approach to this problem is to drink Martinis until you can no longer feel any shame, and corner a doctor at a dinner party. Luckily there is a more dignified way. This book is the equivalent of cornering hundreds of doctors and it answers all the hard questions "a friend of yours" may be wondering about like "Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever?", and "Does it really take 7 years to digest chewing gum?", or "Why is poo brown?".

We all have that one friend. The one who can never seem to find that steady relationship. The one with a cat or two. And then three. And four. The one who starts to show up to parties, on the rare occasions she does show up, increasingly covered in cat hair. This book. This book is for her.

Feeling parched? Snuggle up to this double-fisted bosom and quench your thirst with some nectar of the gods. Best suited for full-bodied reds, this bra bar will serve up the finest burgundies, cabernets and merlots with seduction and sporty spunk. Thick or thin, the legs on this wine-lover's paradise make consumption effortless, portable and pretty. Jug wine just got really awesome!

Who doesn't need a little more magic in their life? Add in a dose of sugary sweet silliness and let the troubles of our earthly world just melt away. Whether you're a believer or not, unicorns have a special way of inspiring happy thoughts dripping with toot-filled colorful rainbows and puffy cotton candy clouds. Crack open a whimsical bag of fairyland flatulence and lighten up even the dreariest of days.

Beef jerky is a fond favorite of many but, let's be honest, it's pretty standard. When you're looking for a less regular gift for a less regular person, you're going to have to do better than that. Earthworm jerky might just be the answer. This jerky is packed full of protein and we hear that it's really tasty too. We did mean to try it ourselves, honestly … but … earthworms.

The pink flamingo is royalty in the plastic animal kingdom. Nary a beast can approach its fame, distinction, and nobility in that realm. Its closest rival is probably the rubber chicken, but most rubber chickens don't even have heads. And now the pink flamingo extends its influence even further by offering itself up as the guzzling vessel of choice for the most lit parties. The days of using a beer bong that looks like something their neighbor just got done using to fill his diesel tractor are long gone.

The infamous deepwater blobfish has been voted ugliest animal in the world. This unfinished project of Mother Nature is sadly going extinct, so enjoy them while you can. Adds a touch of charm and pity to any living room or bedroom.

Perfect for the foodie with a sense of humor, Fifty Shades of Bacon is a gift that's sure to raise eyebrows and whet appetites. It features 62 floppy pages and 50 bacon-inspired recipes, and is the ideal addition to your current Fifty Shades collection. Start conversations and inspire creativity in the kitchen with this book that features arousing full-color images of bacon in all your favorite positions including: alfredo, bits, and ice cream. You heard it right: bacon ice cream. Don't miss out on the plethora of dirty jokes that could stem from this amazing gift. Great for the coffee table, or for Level 2 awkwardness, the nightstand.

• 50 adventurous bacon recipes: that's almost one every week of the year
• gorgeous still-life images of everyone's favorite food group: bacon
• from the critically-acclaimed author of CHOCOGASMS (also worth a view)

Your friend or loved one may have already started to suspect something about the inherent absurd futility of life. If not, then perhaps you can inform them with this gift, which is an extraordinarily apt illustration of the horrifying predicament in which we the living find ourselves. Doing exactly what it says on the package, this box has no purpose other than to instantly turn itself 'off' when you try to turn it 'on'. Despite being useless, we have to admit it does have a certain charm.

Who hasn't at one time wished they could swipe a loose hand across the surface of their pillow and reveal the face of Nicolas Cage? Let that person cast the first stone. And it better be a mighty big stone, because the rest of us will be blocking it with one of these handsome plush pillows. Regardless of your judgment of him as a thespian, Mr. Cage brings an unmistakable and unique charisma to the big screen. Now let him bring that same bizarre glory to the bedroom of someone you love.

The ultimate guide to what they should have learned already, with a title that communicates what you can't bring yourself to say out loud. The world may be a nicer place than the one you grew up in, but it still can't help punishing dumbasses. Help them get it together.

There are a small but important set of emergencies that can only be rectified with a clown nose. This has been demonstrated time and time again in hospitals rooms across the world. Sadly, there's no money in clown noses, so big pharma keeps us in the dark.

Animal farts are the most genuine, because they are done without the slightest comic intent. You could even say human farting is a corrupted act, because everyone knows they'll get a reaction. Help celebrate flatulence in purest form, with all the colors of the rainbow.

These coins allow the coin holder to show exactly what they give for another person's opinion, feelings, or needs. It's one thing to offer this information; it's another thing entirely to have the minted currency to back it up. Help a friend put his money where his lack of empathy is.

Sitting on the throne, for lack of a better term, isn't the place where you tend to feel at your most gallant, but every king or queen needs a loyal knight to serve them and we've found just the man for the job. Always at hand when they need him the most, he won't shy away from coming to their aid in even the most, er, challenging of situations.

If you spend a lot of time on social media, you'll get the idea that all of the best pranks involve gross bodily injury, long-lasting emotional trauma, or wildly reckless behavior. But it doesn't have to be that way. We can all get in on the fun without maiming each other or risking serious prison time, and the authors of Pranklopedia are out to prove it. We can all use some wise guidance, especially the derelicts and social deviants among us that might otherwise be drawn to the dark side of prankdom. This book will help them keep the jokes coming in a way that everyone can laugh at.

No matter how much you love your friends and family, at some point you get tired of looking around the room and seeing the same faces. However, it's often considered rude to throw people out because you no longer want to look at them. But what if there was a way to get them to voluntarily change their faces? With a set of assorted face coasters, you can do just that. Best of all, everyone thinks it's a fun little game, and nobody suspects what you're really up to.

If you thought your Ford Escort was hard to work on without a manual, try building or repairing an intergalactic spacecraft. Surprisingly, the internet is of little assistance. So short of kidnapping Elon Musk, this gives an aspiring cosmic explorer best chance of building their own space travel vehicle or getting their existing space travel vehicle in mechanical working shape. After all, they don't want to get out into the cosmic void before they realize they're driving a lemon.

Here's the thing about recluses, lazy people, and those who hate sitting at the family dinner table: they have to eat too. If they don't, they just die. This cookbook is proof that somebody out there is looking out for them too. Her name is Marie Smith, and she's the guardian angel of all those who hate communal eating and conventional cookery. Liberating the lonely and cantankerous masses from the tyranny of TV dinners and canned soup, she is the patron saint of the quick and dirty gourmet. And this is her Bible.

Feeling small and insignificant? Looking for that larger than life feeling? Need to jump safely from a great height? Try an inflatable suit. They're great fun for any occasion, especially for first impressions, and they really make you stand out in a crowd. Inflatable suits are perfect for blind dates, job interviews, concerts or events where personal space may be limited, pushing your way to the front of the line, casual Fridays, motorcycle safety, airplane travel, hiding in pillows, and more.

Sweat lodges are dangerous … and who has money lying around for weekly spa treatments anyway? Invest in a life-changing gift that will melt away pounds, pain and tension while being surrounded by the comforts of home. Zip up, zone out and tune in to the natural healing powers of the human body. Let the excess stress and weight drip from your pores and open up the channels of wellness and good health.

Great art doesn't always take the form you're expecting. Twitter gives everyone with a phone and an opinion to spare the chance to reach millions of people with a single ill-conceived utterance. With all that verbal garbage coursing through the airwaves, bizarre gems are certain to arise. Lest they drift away and go to waste, someone had the brilliant idea to start framing them. Move over Picasso, it's time to make room for the real modern art.

A one-step detox program for the most serious mobile phone offenders, this seemingly useless piece of plastic might be the best little investment you'll ever make to save a loved one from a life of virtual addiction. A no-risk, idiot-proof security blanket for those who refuse to quit swiping, touch typing and face-timing their way through life, this may just be their best chance at cellular sobriety. Help is just one fake call away!

Go ahead, throw this in the white elephant gift pile and see if anyone has the balls to steal it. This is the kind of gift that nobody will ever forget, for better or for worse. Its usefulness is overshadowed only by the shamelessness of its name and the absurdity of its marketing - true signs of a product with lasting power. In the context of a normal one-to-one gift giving scenario, you risk having it taken as an insult, but in a white elephant gift exchange, at the very least you'll get a few laughs, and who knows? You might even open up a whole new world to some lucky soul in need.

Don't give a dog a bone … go for a corn on the cob instead! These whimsical prongs are precisely what every wiener dog enthusiast has been missing. With these perky fellas anchoring both ends of sweet, buttery corn, the cobs will be spinning and satisfying hungry appetites for hours on end. No need to sniff aimlessly around gift shops, hunting down the perfect present—follow the tracks of these hounds and delight a dachshund lover today!

If there's anything that can make wine taste better, it's a little frustration. If you think life in our rapid-delivery consumer culture is just a bit too easy, then teach someone a valuable lesson by making them work more than they anticipated for their reward. You're not only giving the world's oldest artisan beverage, you're helping develop life skills.

This no-nonsense buzzer will cut through the crap faster than a hot knife through butta'! The authority on phony baloney, this bull buster means business and any soldier of truth would be beyond delighted to have it at their disposal. This gag gift is almost as good as a lie detector test, calling out tall tales and ridiculousness so authenticity can rule the airwaves once again. Better get your stories straight, fibbers!

Most guests' bathroom trips come and go without a single data point being collected. This bathroom guest book allows you to gather critical feedback on the finely curated relief/evacuation experience you've orchestrated for your visitors. This data gives you the knowledge you need to make the necessary adjustments to the structure, aesthetics, and accessories of your inner sanctum, as well as gain valuable psychological profiling insights on the people who have passed through. Think of it as the Google Analytics for your crapper.

If you're friends with the crazy cat person, you have to buy them this gift. Make them the envy of all their crazy cat friends with this toilet training kit, which will make litter boxes a thing of the past. It will also make their cat king of all the neighborhood felines, complete with his own throne to sit on.

Gummy bears used to be cute until you knew what was inside of them. Pass the word on with this realistic larger-than-life plastic illustration of the insides of what used to be your favorite candy. Don't let the candy manufacturers get away with this disgusting ruse any longer.

Somebody had to step up to the plate on this one, because 7-11 has been dropping the ball for decades. On a hot day, we've always been forced to choose between beer and a slushy, when what we wanted was both. At the same time. But as any adventurous drinker will tell you, mixing the two has traditionally been a disaster. Leave it to the Japanese to come through with this technological marvel. No longer do we have to suffer the indignity of choosing between cherry, lemonade, and watermelon. Freedom at last.

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Source: https://thingamagift.com/funny-gag-gifts-that-will-make-them-pee-their-pants/